SALTY SEA DOG
It is important to tell the stories of our ancestors.
Sometimes people are like: why?
And I say, Aye, good question. Our ancestors made mistakes. And if we learn about those mistakes we can stop ourselves from making them again.
And they're all like: can we?
And I say, Aye, good question.
Um. But we will be telling the stories of our ancestors because that is the show we have for you tonight.
It's nice to see people who remind you of yourself, whose legs behave like yours, I don't like these new fellows whose skin is water-repellant, the way it rolls off their shiny bodies in fat drops. Nice to watch people who are familiar you know, people with absorbent skin, pores and zits and whiteheads, blackheads, comedones, very painful cystic acne, sebaceous cysts, fungus, a fungal infection that starts at the edge of the nails and sort of grows backward toward the heel, cellulitis, you know? Blisters.
It's nice to watch their thick tongues roll around in their mouths and feel the air hissing through their teeth, permanent retainers and small-scale gum damage or halitosis. Pieces of spit that come flying out when they say something excited, bubbly white or thick green, viscous. No gills.
SALTY SEA DOG
It's good to see people who are soggy.
My daughter is dating one of them. Gills and slick waterproof skin. It's hard to know if you can trust a creature when it doesn't have eyes. The creature's name is NYARRRRRLLLLL. The creature came in, I offered it a cup of oily water, it sunk to the ground on its belly.
I said, Would you like this oily water? It said,
(ELON makes a throaty wah-wah-wah-wah-wah noise).
It sounded like an in-sink garbage disposal, you know,
The creature opened a hole in its...face? And I poured the oily water in. Something like a tongue showed up and flicked the air...gleefully?
I take pride in my hospitality so I dug the creature a pit and poured more oily water in since it seemed to like that.
And Kendall said, What's this?
And I said, It's a pit.
And she said no what is it really
And I said don't ask about the existential nature of the pit it's just a pit, I dug a pit for your friend and filled it with the night's supply of oily water.
And she said, A hole in the ground is better than no hole in the ground. And I agree.