Play-a-week Project

11-12-18


(DIANE and SARAH are in front of a computer.)

DIANE
That's Kim's

SARAH
I think hers is smaller. 

DIANE
I wonder if you can get it, like, shaved down. 

GREB
What are you looking at?

DIANE
Whose Mons is This? It's this game where you identify celebrities by their mons pubis.

SARAH
They crop bathing suit photos.

GREB
This is really high quality. 

SARAH
They have really good lenses. 

GREB
Beyoncé?

DIANE and SARAH
Hmmmm.
(they squint at it.)

SARAH
OK do the reveal.

(DIANE clicks to reveal.)

DIANE
Huh. 

GREB
I don't know who that is. 

SARAH
She's on Grey's Anatomy.

GREB
OK do the next one.

(DIANE clicks.)

GREB
That's Bella Hadid. 

SARAH
That was QUICK. 

GREB
I know that photo. 

DIANE
I heard she had some ribs removed.

GREB
Why?

SARAH
I feel like that's not good for your organs.

GREB
Is she sick or something?

SARAH
Because it's a cage. 

DIANE
Did you guys see that Ruth Bader-Ginsburg fell and broke her ribs?

SARAH
It was just a fracture. 

DIANE
It's still a big deal. 

SARAH
No I know it's still a big deal, I'm just trying to encourage accuracy in the reporting. 

GREB
Maybe she can have Bella's ribs. 
And then Bella would argue that she's like .08% of the Supreme Court, and she'd make a case out of it, and that would rise through the district and circuit courts until it reached the Supreme Court and Bella would have to argue in front of her own ribs. 

DIANE
Greb, you should write movies. 

GREB
I do write movies. 
I wrote movies. 

SARAH
Unsuccessful people have so much more character. 

DIANE
What kinds of movies?

GREB
Noire, detective noire. 

DIANE
Like murder mysteries?

GREB
Kind of. 
OK do the next one. 

(DIANE goes to the next one.)

GREB
Oh this person's really pale. 

SARAH
Yeah you can sometimes just do it by the upper thighs. 

DIANE
Is it...Taylor Swift?

SARAH
I think it is. 

(DIANE clicks to reveal.)

ALL
Yay!

SARAH
Oh wow, scroll down?
"Outback Steakhouse rib deal for RBG"

GREB
Oh my. 

SARAH
Click that. 

DIANE
(Reading)
The Outback Steakhouse pledges to give Supreme Court Justice Ruth-Bader Ginsburg all of their ribs at a discount, plus a pint of their tangy BBQ sauce, plus their signature Aussie-tizers® Bloomin' Onion,® which may be of some medical use.

GREB
They have a really good bleu cheese dressing. 

SARAH
Once the TSA confiscated my 10oz bottle of bleu cheese dressing and so my salad was dry. 

GREB
That sort of thing can really get you down. 

DIANE
Nearly the same thing happened to me but I chugged the whole bottle while waiting in security line, then threw it up into a paper baggie on the plane. It was chunky but I don't regret it because the whole thing cost me $17. I don't eat bleu cheese anymore. 

Elise Wien