5-5-19
A, B, and C sit on the floor of a clothing boutique, surrounded by Easter candy.
A
I might have overdone it.
B
Did you get Peeps?
A
I can’t resist a discount.
C
Oh you got the bunnies.
I prefer the ducks.
A
I got the bunnies, I got the ducks, I got the duck eggs, I got the bunny eggs, I got the ostrich eggs, I got the giraffe eggs.
B
Oh that’s what those are.
A
I got the Christ at the last supper, I got the Christ crucified, I got the Christ coming out of the cave.
B
With the marshmallow-stuffed stigmata?
A
Yes, sweetheart.
(Two customers enter and start looking at shirts.)
A
Just let me know if you guys have any questions.
B
Any questions at all.
C
What did you guys do this weekend?
A
I ate a meal with my family and I asked for the salt and Sammy said it’s gone and I said what and she said no salt, and pointed at the back porch and I went there and there were hundreds of slugs under a blanket of salt, screaming.
B
Did you eat them?
A
No.
B
I thought you were French.
A
I’m not French.
C
The French don’t eat slugs.
B
Maybe I dreamed it.
A
Ooh these eggs are crème-filled.
B
Oh no, we’re getting chocolate all over the garments.
A and C
Oh no.
C
Let’s play a game.
B
Yes
C
Let’s play...
Let’s play Never Have I Ever.
B
And if you’ve done the thing, you have to put a Peep in your mouth.
C
Ooh, yes.
B
OK, never have I ever...been to the United Arab Emirates.
(A puts a Peep in their mouth.)
A
Never have I ever really understood a poem.
(B puts a Peep in their mouth.)
C
Never have I ever met my dad.
(A and B put Peeps in their mouths.)
A
Never have I ever...OK this is embarrassing.
B
It’s OK.
A
Never have I ever had a transcendent experience. Like never have I ever felt the presence of God or the ghost of a relative or like felt oneness with the universe or like yeah.
(B puts a Peep in their mouth.)
A
Aw man.
B
(Mouth full of Peeps)
Every day is a transcendent experience.
This is a transcendent experience.
A
I’ve really tried and I just don’t think I’ll get there.
B
(Mouth full of Peeps)
Put another Peep in your mouth.
A
What?
C
They said, ‘Put another Peep in your mouth.’
A
Oh.
(A does.)
CUSTOMER
Can I try these on?
C
We’re in the middle of something.
I mean, yes.
B
(Mouth full of Peeps)
Another.
(A puts six more Peeps in their mouth.)
C
What time do we close today?
A
(Mouth full of Peeps)
Seven o’ clock.
C
When?
B
(Mouth full of Peeps)
Seven o’ clock.
C
Oh, OK.