5-5-19

A, B, and C sit on the floor of a clothing boutique, surrounded by Easter candy.

A
I might have overdone it.

B
Did you get Peeps?

A
I can’t resist a discount.

C
Oh you got the bunnies.
I prefer the ducks.

A
I got the bunnies, I got the ducks, I got the duck eggs, I got the bunny eggs, I got the ostrich eggs, I got the giraffe eggs.

B
Oh that’s what those are.

A
I got the Christ at the last supper, I got the Christ crucified, I got the Christ coming out of the cave.

B
With the marshmallow-stuffed stigmata?

A
Yes, sweetheart.

(Two customers enter and start looking at shirts.)

A
Just let me know if you guys have any questions.

B
Any questions at all.

C
What did you guys do this weekend?

A
I ate a meal with my family and I asked for the salt and Sammy said it’s gone and I said what and she said no salt,  and pointed at the back porch and I went there and there were hundreds of slugs under a blanket of salt, screaming.

B
Did you eat them?

A
No.

B
I thought you were French.

A
I’m not French.

C
The French don’t eat slugs.

B
Maybe I dreamed it.

A
Ooh these eggs are crème-filled.

B
Oh no, we’re getting chocolate all over the garments.

A and C
Oh no.

C
Let’s play a game.

B
Yes

C
Let’s play...
Let’s play Never Have I Ever.

B
And if you’ve done the thing, you have to put a Peep in your mouth.

C
Ooh, yes.

B
OK, never have I ever...been to the United Arab Emirates.

(A puts a Peep in their mouth.)

A
Never have I ever really understood a poem.

(B puts a Peep in their mouth.)

C
Never have I ever met my dad.

(A and B put Peeps in their mouths.)

A
Never have I ever...OK this is embarrassing.

B
It’s OK.

A
Never have I ever had a transcendent experience. Like never have I ever felt the presence of God or the ghost of a relative or like felt oneness with the universe or like yeah.

(B puts a Peep in their mouth.)

A
Aw man.

B
(Mouth full of Peeps)
Every day is a transcendent experience.
This is a transcendent experience.

A
I’ve really tried and I just don’t think I’ll get there.

B
(Mouth full of Peeps)
Put another Peep in your mouth.

A
What?

C
They said, ‘Put another Peep in your mouth.’

A
Oh.
(A does.)

CUSTOMER
Can I try these on?

C
We’re in the middle of something.
I mean, yes.

B
(Mouth full of Peeps)
Another.

(A puts six more Peeps in their mouth.)

C
What time do we close today?

A
(Mouth full of Peeps)
Seven o’ clock.

C
When?

B
(Mouth full of Peeps)
Seven o’ clock.

C
Oh, OK.