10-21-18


A
Do you ever just—

B
Yes

A
You too?

B
Oh yes

A
Because sometimes I think

B
Uh me too

A
Yeah?

B
Yes

A
I agree I totally agree because the thing is

B
Yes

A
But sometimes I’m like

B
Ugh yes sometimes I’m like that too 

A
You know?

B
I do.

A
On the other hand

B
Mmmmmmmmmm

A
Mmmmmmmmmm 

B
Mhm, mhm, mmmmmmmmm

A
But then like, yes. You know? Yes 

B
Is that sustainable?

A
Mmm sustainable?

B
Like is that a sustainable position to maintain? 

A
Mm 

B
Can I sustain that? 

A
HMMMM

B
I feel like 

A
Yes 

B
You know 

A
Yes 

B
Like
(air quotes)
“everything I do is to stave off a feeling of helplessness”

A
Hmmmmmm 

B
But you do stuff

A
But do I? 

A
Oh yeah you do stuff real world stuff in the real world, like,
(air quotes)
“all the time.” 

B
I do?

A
Want a mint? 

B
Yes. 

A
Oh these mints are expired. 

B
That’s okay 

A
They're from 2001 

B
They were in your pocket?

A
It’s a secondhand jacket. But they’re unopened. 

B
They’re probably fine. 

A
I wonder if they're pre-9/11 

B
Oh maybe you should keep them

A
You think?

B
And you could sell them on e-bay. As like pre-9/11 mints. 

A
You think someone would buy them? 

B
I do.                     

A
Ok I’m on ebay now and I searched mints and there are more than I thought there would be. There are a lot of altoids and like multiple packs of tic-tacs. Oh these look good, Large Pastel Mints Candy Treats 0.5 lb -1 lb - 2 lb 3 lb- 5 lb - 10 lb BULK DEAL. They look like chocolate chips almost. 

B
I’ve had those, they taste like urinal cakes. 

A
Oh this one says vintage.
I think that’s just the style, as in vintage-style mints.

B
Try searching ‘old mints’ 

A
(typing)
Old mints.

B
Oh it’s a lot of like old nickels in mint condition now 

A
These keep popping up.
(Typing)
Sen-sens. 

B
Discontinued July 2013. 

A
Still not pre 9/11. 

B
Oh, scandal: “Sen-Sen's distinctive, strong scent, its nostalgic association with earlier time periods (particularly the 1930s through the 1960s), and its frequent use to cover up the odoriferous evidence of perceived vices such as drinking and cigarette smoking led to many references in various media.” 

A
Odoriferous. 

B
My dad was an alcoholic. 

A
I’m sorry. 

B
He didn’t really chew anything to cover it up.

A
Was because he’s sober now? 

B
Because he died. 

A
I’m so sorry to hear that. 

B
He did get sober. 

A
Oh! 

B
But then he got hit by a truck 

A
OH!
Sorry I meant: oh.
My neighbor got hit by a truck a couple of years ago.
Like hit directly by a speeding truck, and lived. He and his wife are both in physical rehab facilities right now.

B
What happened to his wife? 

A
She—I’m not sure.
A hip thing maybe? They’re pretty old. Their house is up for sale.

B
Is it a good house? 

A
I’ve never been inside. There’s a good tree in their yard. 

B
Good how? 

A
Size and shape. Looks like it would be nice to sit under. 

B
Where are they moving? 

A
I don’t know. We don’t talk to our neighbors, really. One day the newspapers started piling up on their walkway and we worried that they died. But they’re alive. Maybe they forgot to cancel the subscriptions, or they lost interest in the news.
The birds make their nests with Bush administration papers.

B
My grandma would always say, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

A
The deer and rabbits prefer the Obama news. 

B
My grandpa would always say, "Land animals are democrats."

A
I had a dog that was a libertarian. 

B
My dog voted for Jill Stein. 

A
Didn’t she used to live around here? 

B
She would walk around the block, her pockets stuffed with dog biscuits and raw meat soaked in maple syrup. 

A
I assumed she was a vegetarian 

B
Anything for the dog vote. 

A
My mailman’s a dog. 

B
My dog loves mailmen.

A
I love mail.

B
I wish I had neighbors. 

A
I thought you lived near Jill. 

B
We had to move after my dog attacked her. 
Now we live in a cabin in a field, far from any third-party candidates. 

A
But I thought your dog liked Jill?

B
She has, like, a very complex relationship to politics. 
It's like, if you walk around with syrup-soaked meat in the pockets of your chinos every day, and then one day you stop, the dogs are going to be confused. 

A
That makes sense. 

B
And they will attack. 

Elise Wien