10-14-19
Two people in a room watching The Human Centipede.
B
He’s gonna sew them
A
Yeah he’s gonna sew them.
B
I feel like we shouldn’t be watching this.
...
...
...
If he sews them, why can’t they just rip apart?
A
He’s sewing with industrial material.
Like what they use to do stitches.
B
I still feel like they can rip apart.
A
You’d have no mouth
B
I’d rather have no mouth I think.
A
I call front.
If we’re ever in a human centipede.
I call shotgun.
(They watch.
MOM knocks.)
MOM
Everything alright?
A
Yes
MOM
Everything cool?
A
Yes / mom
MOM
“coolio”?
A
Mom
MOM
OK
OK well just let me know.
I’m roasting some carrots so if you want roasted carrots
A
OK mom
MOM
I’m roasting them with za’atar
A
OK
B
Ooh yummm
What’s that?
A
It’s like a spice mix
MOM
It’s lemony!
A
It’s like a bunch of spices
B
Oh cool.
(MOM exits)
B
How’s your mom been?
A
She’s OK
B
Yeah?
A
She’s better.
The thing with Sam had her shaken.
But now Sam’s at the camp so he’s gonna get better.
But now she’s nervous about him being at the camp and like what if something happens at the camp?
B
Nothing happens at camp.
A
Anything can happen anywhere.
B
I guess
A
At any time.
B
That’s technically true.
A
How’s your dad?
B
Still in the basement.
A
oof.
(A loud thumping from the closet.)
B
Oh that’s a loud thump.
(It gets louder)
B
Oh it’s getting louder.
Should we check on it?
A
It does that sometimes.
B
Oh cool.
Like how often would you say it does that?
(The thumping gets louder)
A
I dunno.
Once a month.
Can you pass me the Funyuns?
(The thumping gets louder)
B
LIKE HOW OFTEN WOULD YOU SAY IT DOES THAT?
A
ONCE A MONTH CAN YOU PASS ME THE FUNYUNS
PLEASE.
B
I’M GONNA OPEN IT
A
WHAT
B
I’M GONNA OPEN IT.
(B opens the closet door, and a human centipede falls out.)
B
oh.
A
oh my god what is that
B
is that ms. Stenson
Is that our old math teacher Ms. Stenson.
A
I didn’t have Ms. Stenson I had Ms. Alcott.
(The human centipede is writhing)
B
Oh right you were in B Math
Sorry
Non-accelerated math.
MOM
(From outside the door)
You girls doing alright?
A and B
Yes.
A
Who are the other two?
B
Is that one your neighbor?
A
What? No.
That’s your neighbor.
B
Oh yeah that’s my neighbor.
We should do something about this.
A
Yeah we should definitely do something about this.
(A eats a Funyun).
B
Have you thought about opening the closet before?
A
Oh yeah.
B
Have you thought about feeding them?
A
You don’t need to feed all of them.
You just need to feed the first one.
B
So
A
I’ve thought about it.
B
So you knew they were in there?
A
No, I didn’t know they were in there.
I just thought about it.
I thought about it in like a,
Oh, what about that thumping coming from the closet?
What if the thumping were a person?
Or like,
Three people connected in a human centipede like formation?
What if?
B
...
...
So you’ve thought about it?
A
I’ve thought about it.
B
…
You’ve thought about it.
A
Yeah well I’ve also thought about committing murder and stealing and running for president and like setting shit on fire
I’m not going to apologize for containing multitudes
It’s OK to just think about things.
B
No it’s totally OK to think about things.
A
Yeah.
(The human centipede writhes)
B
I think about things like
All the time.
(MOM pops her head in.
She sees the human centipede.
It’s bleeding.)
MOM
Oh my
Oh that’s a lot of blood
Girls?
Girls
?
B
No yeah
It is.
MOM
Anyway I was going through the stuff in the basement and I found the old shoebox covered in the batik cloth?
A
Yeah my old shoebox.
MOM
I put it in the donation pile.
If that’s OK with you.
A
You’re donating the box?
Some of my favorite shit was in that box?
MOM
Well you can pick through it and take out what you like.
The box itself reminded me of Sam, which made me sad.
B
I understand that.
MOM
Your brother used to be shaped just like that box.
Well, pick out what you want.
When you get a chance.
The carrots are almost ready.
(The human centipede writhes.)
MOM
You OK, girls?
A
No, yeah.
No haha
No HAHAHA
No, I’m good
MOM
OK, girls.
(The human centipede writhes.)
A
‘It me’
B
Nonono we’re so good