Play-a-week Project

1-7-19

At Wonderland, the end of the blue line. November.

A
Oh you’ve never been?

B
No.

A
I thought you’d been here—

B
No

A
Because you were all like,

B
Yeah but I haven’t

A
“It’s called Wonderland for a reason.”

B
Yeah. I’ve just seen it on the blue line.

A
Oh there’s beach!

B
There’s beach?

A
Yes, look.

B
Like I saw it at the end and I thought, I wonder what it's like. 

A
I guess this is what it's like. 

B
The seagulls are fat here.

A
They seem happy.

(B Takes out a Funyun and throws it at the bird)

B
There’s this play by Chekhov called The Seagull.

A
Oh?

B
It’s about a seagull that is very fat because it ate its friend.

A
It ate another seagull?

B
A pigeon.

A
Oh.

B
But then the seagull’s beak is pried open and the pigeon comes out.

A
Oh wow.

B
And the pigeon eats the seagull.
And then the seagull busts out of the pigeon and eats it, then the pigeon busts out of the seagull and eats it, then the seagull does then the pigeon does then the seagull does then the pigeon does and so on and so on and then a hawk eats them both.

(A long moment.) 

A
And then?

B
That’s it.

A
Oh.

B
It’s Russian.

A
Oh!
It means something for sure.

B
Yes.

A
(Reads a sign)
Oh first national seashore! Cool.

B
Did you see the developments going up on the way here? 

A
Trying to make this place more lively I guess. Sort of depressing.

B
Depressing, yes.

A
Did you see the abandoned dog-racing track?

B
And the old age homes?

A
And the bait and tackle shops?
And the XXX DVD stores?
And the daycare?

B
The seafood places?
The ocean?

A
I see the ocean yes.

B
And the seagulls.
(Takes out many Funyuns and throws them on the beach.)

A
It’s a bit chilly here.

B
Yes. 

A
I wish you had told me we'd be outside for a long time. 

B
Wonderland is outside. 

A
Really pretty freezing.

B
(Eating a Funyun)
You have a beautiful frown.

A
Thank you?
(A beat.)
You seem to have a lot of Funyuns in that leather handbag.

B
They have them free where I work.

A
Where do you work?

B
Frito-Lay.

A
Oh I’m a fan of your products.

B
Thank you.

A
That seagull looks like it’s suffering. 

B
Yes.

A
Do you think it’s allergic to Funyuns?

B
No.

A
Oh good.

B
But these might be poisonous.

A
Oh no!

B
Because they are from the defectives room. 

A
How big is the defectives room?

B
It’s extremely big.

A
Oh.

B
It’s its own building

A
Oh!

B
And sometimes it’s the ones that aren’t full rings, that are broken rings like crescents, and sometimes it’s the ones that might be contaminated with like rat poison.

A
And you’re allowed to take from this room?

B
You have to sign a waiver first.

A
Aren’t you afraid of what might be in them?

B
No.
(B Shoves many Funyuns in their mouth, as if to prove a point).

A
Is it just Funyuns at your facility?

B
I’m not authorized to share that information.
(A beat.)
I think it's good that our parents are dating. 

A
You do?

B
Mhm.

A
The beach is prettier than I thought it would be in November.

B
I like places that are empty.

A
It’s cold.

B
Yes.

A
But peaceful.

B
Yes.

A
And the seagulls seem glad to see us.

Elise Wien